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September 2nd, 2011

Finally...I Am Back

Don't you just hate it when everything seems to go ALL WRONG, all at once?
Just after submitting my last post, my computer decided to act up. First, it froze, as old computers tend to do. The computer and I spent the next two days playing the game of "Freeze whenever Michael tries to do anything." Seriously, it was bad. Schoolwork became a NIGHTMARE. I had to make daily trips to the library, just so I could get my work in on time. It was awful.
Then, the computer tired of continually freezing. And I thought all would be good. I was just getting ready to post an entry here, when LO AND FRIGGIN BEHOLD, the internet said goodbye. So, more daily trips to the library, to do schoolwork. And, a longer friggin vacation from blogging.
What a nightmare.
I am happy to say that FINALLY, all has been resolved. The computer is acting rather nicely, and the internet is no longer giving me issues. So, here I am...FINALLY BACK!
Good news to report...
I have ACED every written essay, in my English class. I am just tickled pink, about this. As a writer, this makes me feel pretty damned good.
I will be back tomorrow morning, and I expect my entry will be rather lengthy. Just know that I am still here. And, were it not for the lack of lighting in the computer room, I would keep typing tonight. But, I cannot even see the keyboard.
So, until tomorrow.
Happy crocheting.

The Sad Reality (Birthday Blues)

The truth is, I am heartbroken. I feel terrible, even as I write this. And, to make it even worse, I know that there is no way to do anything about it.
My mother's birthday is at the end of this month. September 29. And, some of you may remember that last year, we did a cruise. I had hopes that it would be good. But, it turned out terrible. Her birthday gift, for last year: a broken neck.
This year has just plain sucked. There is no kinder way to put it. I mean, my aunt and uncle both betrayed her. My uncle, if you will recall, accused her of thievery. My aunt put him up to it. (I know...WHAT A GRADE A BITCH!)
They both left, on bad terms. And my mother felt like she had lost two of her siblings. It was not a good time. She sank into a depression, as anybody would.
Then, shortly after...another devastation. My aunt B. The sibling that my mother shared the strongest bond with, passed away, from stomach cancer.
On top of it all, there are the money issues. Every single day, we are in fear of losing our home. And, in truth, I feel that I am to blame. At least a little. And, even as I blame myself, I know it is STUPID! But, I can't help but feel that, if I had told my mother about what an abusive ass my 'father' was earlier, she would have been better able to prepare for a future, on her own. And, we would not be in the situation we are in, right now.
September 29...My mother's birthday. And, I wanted to do something. I wanted to take her to Laughlin. The room is 40 a night. I just wanted to take her for the weekend. You know, have this great weekend, to help relieve some of the stress. Give her at least one good time, this year. But, it isn't going to happen. There is simply no money, for it.
Last night, I spent 10 dollars on her. There is this purple dreamcatcher I saw online. I thought she might like it. So, I got it. 10 bucks total. And, the sad part...I know that even this is more than we can afford right now. I spent 10 dollars on my mother, and I know that I shouldn't have. I know we didn't have it, to spend.
It is just an awful feeling. It is terrible.
This morning I woke up, and I started searching the internet. My mother's birthday will be a dreamcatcher, and some crocheted coasters.  That's it. That is all I can give. And, as I was searching for the perfect pattern, I kept thinking about how much I wish I take her to Laughlin. I kept thinking how nice it would be, to see her having a good weekend.
Oh well.
The dreamcatcher is BEAUTIFUL.
And, I still am searching for the perfect pattern. I will not settle for anything less than perfect. If coasters are going to be the main gift that I give, then I will make them kick-ass, in every way.
So...
If any of you read this, and have great coaster patterns, please send them my way.

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hangingbyayarn
Michael Leach

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