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The Sad Reality (Birthday Blues)

The truth is, I am heartbroken. I feel terrible, even as I write this. And, to make it even worse, I know that there is no way to do anything about it.
My mother's birthday is at the end of this month. September 29. And, some of you may remember that last year, we did a cruise. I had hopes that it would be good. But, it turned out terrible. Her birthday gift, for last year: a broken neck.
This year has just plain sucked. There is no kinder way to put it. I mean, my aunt and uncle both betrayed her. My uncle, if you will recall, accused her of thievery. My aunt put him up to it. (I know...WHAT A GRADE A BITCH!)
They both left, on bad terms. And my mother felt like she had lost two of her siblings. It was not a good time. She sank into a depression, as anybody would.
Then, shortly after...another devastation. My aunt B. The sibling that my mother shared the strongest bond with, passed away, from stomach cancer.
On top of it all, there are the money issues. Every single day, we are in fear of losing our home. And, in truth, I feel that I am to blame. At least a little. And, even as I blame myself, I know it is STUPID! But, I can't help but feel that, if I had told my mother about what an abusive ass my 'father' was earlier, she would have been better able to prepare for a future, on her own. And, we would not be in the situation we are in, right now.
September 29...My mother's birthday. And, I wanted to do something. I wanted to take her to Laughlin. The room is 40 a night. I just wanted to take her for the weekend. You know, have this great weekend, to help relieve some of the stress. Give her at least one good time, this year. But, it isn't going to happen. There is simply no money, for it.
Last night, I spent 10 dollars on her. There is this purple dreamcatcher I saw online. I thought she might like it. So, I got it. 10 bucks total. And, the sad part...I know that even this is more than we can afford right now. I spent 10 dollars on my mother, and I know that I shouldn't have. I know we didn't have it, to spend.
It is just an awful feeling. It is terrible.
This morning I woke up, and I started searching the internet. My mother's birthday will be a dreamcatcher, and some crocheted coasters.  That's it. That is all I can give. And, as I was searching for the perfect pattern, I kept thinking about how much I wish I take her to Laughlin. I kept thinking how nice it would be, to see her having a good weekend.
Oh well.
The dreamcatcher is BEAUTIFUL.
And, I still am searching for the perfect pattern. I will not settle for anything less than perfect. If coasters are going to be the main gift that I give, then I will make them kick-ass, in every way.
If any of you read this, and have great coaster patterns, please send them my way.


( 8 comments — Leave a comment )
Sep. 4th, 2011 04:58 pm (UTC)
This makes me really sad. It just all seems like too much for one family. I hope you can come up with something fun for her birthday that doesn't cost you too much.

My mother has some really nice starched coasters at the cottage. Unfortunately I don't have the pattern but they're very much like these: http://knotsncrafts.blogspot.com/2010_03_01_archive.html I like them because they're not floppy.
Sep. 4th, 2011 05:12 pm (UTC)
Yeah. It has been a bad year. But, hopefully things will start looking up. I just needed to vent about it, because it is bothering. Thank you for the pattern.
Sep. 4th, 2011 05:17 pm (UTC)
To be honest, it doesn't sound like things can get much worse. This means only one thing - the future will be better. Just make it through this period and you'll be okay.

Sep. 4th, 2011 05:28 pm (UTC)
Thank you for this. You're right. Things will get better.
Sep. 4th, 2011 06:19 pm (UTC)
I would LOVE a dreamcatcher for a birthday present. I would hang that right up over my bed and know I was safe. Trips are nice, but, they end and sometimes, as you mentioned, not so well. But a dreamcatcher? Now that's a keeper! :)

The crap is being cleaned out of your lives. Focus on what is solid around you.
Sep. 4th, 2011 07:39 pm (UTC)
As a mother, I can tell you that it's not what you give, it's the love you give it with. You really love your mother so your mother will see that. You don't have to give her expensive gifts to give her something she will cherish the most. She will love the coasters you make because you made them with love for her.
Sep. 4th, 2011 10:56 pm (UTC)
I so agree with adelheid_p - the love you give your mom each day is part of what is keeping her going during this tough year. Things that we give with money aren't what is important. The important things in our lives are those that come from the heart.

One of the things we gave my mom was a memory jar. All of us wrote out favorite memories and put them in a jar. She could take one out and read it each day or when she was feeling down. She loved that jar and read and re-read those memories. There wasn't much money involved, just lots of love.

Hugs, congrats on the good grades in English class and have a great evening,

Sep. 5th, 2011 12:15 am (UTC)
As always, check ravelry. This is the search I came up with just inputting crochet, free, and has a picture.


From what I remember, your mother loves Americana themed items and in the search is a coaster named Fireworks in the Sky Coaster designed by Amber Jones, Yarn Pixie
( 8 comments — Leave a comment )